Pianissimo Semplice

Another week starts as quickly as the previous ends. It's Saturday afternoon and I'm deciding whether I should stay in.

It's like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when Willy Wonka tells the kids about how the Oompa Loompas crave cocoa beans. "An Oompa Loompa was lucky if he found three or four cocoa beans in one year. But, oh, how they craved them. All they'd ever think about is cocoa beans." Then they show you a scene of Oompa Loompas dancing around a bushfire wearing giant cocoa bean hats on their heads.

If I am to Oompa Loompa then cocoa bean is to Friday. Oh how I crave Fridays. All I'd ever think about is Friday. I even have my own little bushfire in the storage room, made of empty Sportsgirl bags and Leona Edmiston wrappings.

Friday marks two very important events.

1. It is the only day which preceeds a morning on which I'm not required to wake up at a pre-determined time.

2. Waking up usually takes place next to Jez.

This Friday we went straight to Jez's house and ordered pizza. Then the next thing I knew I'm sitting here thinking about where the fuck the time has gone.

Unfortunately I forgot to bring About a Boy as intended, so we did everything that I missed dearly during the week. Jez made breakfast in the morning. The milk makes a huge difference and it was delicious.

It's funny how every one of my mother's beach plans are thwarted by rain. Not even her 50th birthday deserved any mercy from the weather. We went to Balmoral as planned, where after lengthy periods of standing around we settled for picnicking under a gazebo while the rain continued to fall outside.

Jez finally met Katherine and Chris, and got along with them well. Admittedly I was a little worried because the two of them had taken such a liking to Sivan and spent much more time with him that they would with Jez, but I was amused when Katherine told me she didn't like either. Because they're boys. With boy-germs. Yuk.

It's so quiet. My computer decided out of the blue to blank out and hum vaguely out of the tower. I'm on my dad's newer but much slower one and wishing that I had a guitar to muck around with. I'd play the piano, but it's becoming ridiculously out of tune. Still debating on whether or not I should spend the money on tuning, when I use it so rarely. Then again, maybe if it didn't sound so dilapidated I might feel a little more enthusiastic.

Tomorrow is the 20th, 8 months since Jez and me. Years ago, I put 8 months on a pedestle. In relationships I didn't even aim for 8 months. 8 months was beyond the infinity of forever. I aimed for 6. Because that's like, half a year. Ohmygawd.

But if you think about it, 8 months with one person is enough time to:

1. Know them
2. Be comfortable around them
3. Be a complete twat around them
4. Discover their faults and identify possibly causes for future conflict
5. Develop some idea about the level of seriousness of the relationship
6. Fight, argue, cold-war, silent-treatment, phony break-ups
7. Fall in love (aww? gag?)

It doesn't matter how long it has been if you know it'll end. It doesn't matter how short it has been if you're a silly old bat already deciding on names for non-existent children and pets.

I notice that while Jez is becoming increasingly un-funny, I'm becoming decreasingly mature. Not that he's any better. I was looking outside at the rain and was reminded of a conversation we shared yesterday afternoon.

Jez: You know why I'd hate to be a bird?
Me: Why?
Jez: When it hails.
Me: They could just hide under a tree or under anywhere.
Jez: What if there was nowhere to hide?
Me: Under other birds?
Jez: ...
Me: So I'd be a pretty bird. Then all the boy birds would be like "Ooh, hide under me! Hide under me!"

You never know. Out of those mushes of feathers and meat lying on the lawn after every hailstorm, who can say how many pretty little birdies flew out from under them before you passed by?

Anyway, on one of the rare occasions when we weren't talking crap or sweet nothings and Jez wasn't farting (very rare), I asked him a serious question. I know I'm a sickeningly sentimental person, so if you're not, skip it and save me some embarrassment.

So I asked, if somebody asked you if I was the one, what would you say? His answer kept me grinning even until now.

Right, so people are going to Vbar tonight. Considering I haven't showered and Mylinh is staying home, I think I'll pass. Besides, I'm scared that I don't have enough funds in my bank account for a packet of gum at the supermarket.

I'm having money trouble. When money is in my bank account, I spend it like there's no tomorrow, then when tomorrow arrives I'm like "oh shit". When it's in my savings account, I don't touch it. However, on those rare occasions when I do touch, it's the touch of death. For example, I transferred 0.5k of my last paycheque to savings. When my bank balance reached $20 and money was required for dinner that night, I dipped into savings. Not knowing exactly how much I'll need and wanting to avoid potential embarrassment, I thought I'd transfer more than enough, just to be safe. So I took $500. Dinner was about $30. $490 left in account. Go back a few lines and read "when money is in my bank account, I spend it like there's no tomorrow". Pwned.

I thought I'd learn from it. 80% of this week's pay is safely in savings. I have next to nothing left in the bank but I'd rather starve than contemplate the touch of death. The thing is, surviving for a week on less than $20 is very possible. Awhile ago when I was so poor that both accounts were empty, I found a million little thrifty ways to stay fed, and more importantly in posession of valid train tickets at all times. You'd have to threaten me with complete bankrupcy for my thrift-neurons to be activated, but I'm trying.

Every line of this song except for one reminds me of Frig. That one line, however, makes me think of Jez. I love it, it's so sad. I can sit here and mope but not really mope for the rest of the afternoon.

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开 我知道很简单
你说依赖 是我们的阻碍
就算放开 但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

I love depressingly sad songs. Somehow they make me happier in the long run than happy songs do. Probably because I listen to the singer QQ and then realise that compared to them, I'm one lucky duck. So I rarely listen to happy songs. The only one I really like is Catch My Disease, and only in the car. Otherwise, I can listen to Uffie on the train if you count her songs as happy.