Rainbow

My grandma passed away at 10 pm last night.

My dad's three brothers lived close to my grandparents in Jinan. My uncles, aunties, cousins and grandparents spent a lot of time together, while I lived further away with my grandparents on my mother's side. We visited sometimes, but mostly I was busy with school and music and being self-absorbed.

In a nutshell, I never had a lot of contact with her. After moving to Australia we spoke only briefly on the phone during Chinese New Year, just to say things like "I miss you" and "how's this, how's that".

We didn't stay long in Jinan on our trip to China in '05. There were so many nights when we called to tell them that we won't be home for dinner due to arrangements with some colleague of my parents or an old professor. My grandma asked us time and time again but we refused, returning home way past her bedtime and barely seeing her at all.

I guess my parents might have been under the same false impression that family will always be there, reassuring and immovable. There are only so many hours in a day. Family can wait, right? Well, it sometimes can't.

The last time I saw my grandma was on the day we left for Shanghai. We sat inside the train while my grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins stood outside our window. My grandma placed her hand on the window. I did the same from inside the carriage. She cried.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. I promised that I'd come back as soon as I could. I really had no idea that only a couple of years later it's already too late.

Such is life, right?

Jez, thanks again for being the best. <3