Day Thirtyfour

I've been vague about the reason Shaun has been ringing me intermittently for the past few months. Honestly I thought it had stopped after the last call which took place several weeks ago, when I told him explicitly though politely (insert Jez's snide comment about my lack of backbone) that I wasn't interested in speaking with or meeting him. One would really think that he might be inclined to put someone who he has briefly met only once and has repeated refused his dinner offers out of his mind. But no.

I thought I could pass it off as a secret horrible consequence of recklessness that will have me consult an eight-ball of some sort every time I even think about doing anything at all. But I felt awful that Jez wasn't aware of this slip-up. So I told him that when I explained about Shaun, I skimmed over the bit where in my psychotic state over the previous day's break-up I practically threw my number at the first guy who dared to ask. At a devastatingly annoying price.

Jez was driving. I was idly wondering how jealous I might have been if the situation was reversed (insanely so) while feeling somewhat anxious about his reaction. He quietly said that he didn't blame me. I looked up to check whether I might have dozed off and sleep-walked into the car of someone understanding.

A lot of things have changed since our history-makingly messy break-up. This is just one of them. Others include arms that look like they've been plucked off someone else (because I would have never thought Jez capable of being composed of anything more substantial than matchsticks), increased enthusiasm for uni (translating into tonight's four cans of V) and looking at me through smitten kitten eyes. Massive improvements on his behalf in all aspects.

And Starbucks!

Maybe my own improvements are only apparent to him. Because I sure as hell can't identify any of them. Although I do remember admitting two days ago that he had every right to break up with me on his birthday last year, when for the past 12 months I've been stubbornly insisting that he was a stubborn jerk.

Baby steps.