Day Two

It takes talent to describe this in words. Talent I may not have.

But I'll try.

I love Jez. So much that it can't be explained. So much that I can't breathe. So much that I would bet anything in the world that if I died right this moment and forensics cut open my chest, they wouldn't find a heart. My heart is with Jez. On the bottom of his shoe. Inside his trash.

I know that I can't be with him. Sometimes I thought I was a bit of a masochist for staying with someone who hurt me the way he did. Being with Jez was like drowning. Struggling towards the surface, gasping for air before being pulled deeper into the water. I think of all the nights I spent awake, all the hours I spent crying, and realise that I spent far more time being miserable than happy. I know I deserve more.

Yet I never left, because I knew that without him, I would be exactly as I am now. Bleeding. In pieces. I didn't stay with Jez because I wanted to be happy. I stayed with Jez because I was afraid to shatter. Jez would have broken me, piece by piece. I wanted to stay a little more whole for a little longer.

Martin said in a fit of cliché that the rain is always followed by the rainbow.

How many times must it rain, before the rainbow loses its worth?

Martin said in a fit of cliché that time will heal my wounds.

And what good would time do if I bled to death first?