Day Two

A fresh wave of loss washed over me as I opened my eyes. I curled up in the corner and fought the urge to cry, or even move, because I didn't trust myself to stay away from the phone.

I knew that if I didn't push my feelings away- even for a little while - they were going to break me. The reason I couldn't make that decision, the reason Jez had once again made it for me, for both of us, is that I'm broken either way. How do I justify ripping a heart in two to make it beat stronger? I can't, because it's not beating anymore.

I allowed myself to skip the first lecture. It was Pharmacy Practice, and having read through the lecture notes twice I've concluded that apart from information on assessments which can be accessed from webCT anyway, there was nothing else of value.

Mylinh called at some stage, her voice full of concern. I choked back a sob and hung up. I don't want her to care, I don't want anyone to care.

I drifted back to sleep, dreaming dreams I shouldn't have been dreaming.

Tell me I'm a dream. Tell me I don't exist.