Zuckerfrei

So tired.

I ask the self-proclaimed wise-man, why do we continue to argue?

Well, he says, when you're the only child, you're selfish. The world needs to be the way you like it, you need to be the centre of attention. It can't be helped.

I ask, what do I do?

Why do anything, he says. He'll make it up to you. He's probably on his way to your house with roses.

No, I say. I very highly doubt it.

He does buy you flowers, doesn't he?

No.

Chocolates?

No.

Come on, at least once?

No, I say. I never wanted them.

You two are young, he says and trails off.

I guess he's the flowers-and-chocolate type. I sit and half-arsedly play Minesweeper.

It'll be okay, he says. You'll work it out soon, everything's going to be fine.

I stare at him darkly. He looks worried.

Look, he says. When people say they don't know if their girlfriend or boyfriend is the one, it's bullshit. You either know it or you don't. If your instinct tells you that he is, then everything will be fine. If you have a feeling it isn't right, then it isn't.

I pause. What if I'm feeling both?

He looks lost for words for a few seconds, then says, can you imagine being with this guy when you're older, fighting over mortgage payments and overdue bills?

No, I say. Our bills won't be overdue.

Can you imagine growing old with him?

I can.

He shrugs as if to say, then that's all you need to know.

I continue to sit and play Minesweeper. He hands me a box of tissues.

I blow my nose. I really want it to work.

He looks half frustrated, half sympathetic. You know what they say, you don't stay with someone because you can live with them. You stay because you can't live without them.

The latter, I think to myself.

You're young, he says.

I'm so sick of hearing it. We'll grow up, I say.

He looks at me seriously. People grow up, but they don't change.

I know, I say.

You two have been together for a long time, he says.

No we haven't, I snap. Not compared to you.

I can't imagine being with anyone else, he says. I can't even imagine being attracted to anyone else.

I know, I say. Me neither.