Active Moist

As I opened a sample pack of moisturiser, I was reminded of an ex.

This ex swore by Dermalogica Active Moist. He also swears by taking exasperatingly long showers and moisturising his entire body afterwards. I don't know exactly how long this routine takes but the fact that I began pondering whether he had to wash his hair strand by strand, and managed to finish a 500-gram packet of M&Ms while writing up 20 pages of notes should be some indication. Oh and before he stepped in the bathroom, the sun was still up.

Most disappointing of all was his lack of any appetising fragrances upon re-emergence. I'm guessing hypoallergenic products.

Another ex routinely treats his snail-trail to Nads, and asks me to pluck his stray eyebrow hairs. And uses his mother's concealer. I probably should have mentioned that one first. They don't even share the same skin tone.

Surprisingly, the boyfriend most frequently accused of being gay is actually the one that pampers himself the least. But then again he is known to study his own nudity in front of the mirror and incessantly moan about an invisible paunch. I have also inadvertently discovered photos of himself wearing a white button-up shirt, tie and black jeans, taken in front of his mirror and stored in his computer.

I just remembered that this boy uses Clinique eye contour gel. Well if he's gay the joke's on me.

I think it was Yves Saint Laurent that has a cosmetic line for men, consisting of eyeliner, blush, lipstick and more. The promo shoot featured perfectly sexy men turned transvestites. Attractive.

My question is, where do you draw the line? Everyday brands like L'Oreal, Natio and Clinique have a men's skincare range, which I think is great because without them we assume that men either don't wash, or still stash bottles of Clearasil from high school. Neither do I have anything against the vast range of hair-products saturating spikes and mohawks worldwide.

Cosmetics, on the other hand, definitely treads the line. The moderate use of concealers (provided the right shade) and anti-shadow sticks is understandable because bad skin is attractive on no-one, but using make-up to accetuate features I find a little odd.

As for all the boys moisurising their thighs as I speak - I don't even moisturise every night. Unless you have a dermatological condition you don't need 24-hourly hydration. We do it because we want to keep ourselves silky smooth. There is no point for you to be silky smooth because you're hairy. And if you're not hairy because you wax or shave, you're trapped inside a woman's body, and not in the way you'd want.