Spit

Beijing etiquette experts are making a huge fuss over unacceptable social behaviour displayed by the community, mainly spitting. "I think Beijing is actually much more progressive than other cities in China, where you can still almost drown in spit." - says Alex Pearson, a British expat who has lived in the city since '92.

This might be hard to believe, but on my last visit to Beijing, the amount of public spitting fell short of leaving any impressions. Neither was I close to drowning in saliva in Jinan, a much smaller and less metropolitan city than Beijing.

To prepare the city for the '08 Olympics, the government is actually actively handing out etiquette flyers and distributing posters discouraging the community to spit in public. How do they kid themselves that they can break the habits of 15 million people in less than 12 months?

It's not a spitting problem. It's a population problem. Just as many people spit in Sydney. Walk the length of George St and pay close attention to the area opposite Town Hall. What do you find? A lot of spit. In fact I've actually be spat on. We're just as dirty.

I mean okay, I don't condone spitting, but what Beijing's attempting to do in preparation for the Olympics is laughably unrealistic.

Why doesn't China have any backbone? Even if spit was more plentiful than it actually is, why can't they stand up and say "welcome ... to the country of SPIT"? Why does preparing for the arrival of foreigners have to involve inflicting pain upon the locals? Training girls in etiquette schools to smile by forcing them to hold chopsticks between their teeth for hours and issuing $8 fines for spitting in public seems a tad sycophantic and OTT. One of the girls training for presenting medals said "I'll feel very proud to represent my country in front of the whole world". No honey, the bloke on whose neck hangs the medal you've just handled is representing his country. You're the anonymous little Chinese volunteer that nobody will pay any attention to or remember save your parents who would have taped that moment and watched it a thousand times over without knowing who the athlete was or what event he or she had participated in because the centre of attention is their pride and joy donning ugly pink flight-attendant-esque uniform smiling like she has chopsticks between her teeth.

Chillax, and fire whoever designed the uniforms.

Obviously I have a lot of anger tonight.