Billy Thompson

I couldn't believe my eyes. I was dispensing fluticasone and salbutamol for Billy Thompson - an eleven-year-old ... cat.

The fancy script was emblazoned with a logo of the veterinary clinic and had listed on the side available practices, including oncology, cardiology, physiotherapy and ophthalmology.

If that wasn't surprising enough, Billy Thompson has in fact been processing his scripts at our pharmacy since '02.

I dispensed his medications. 1 puff bd using Aerokat mask. Yes. They make nebulisers for kitty cats now. Because kitty cats get asthma. Didn't you know? You're not the only one in need of β2-agonists, you selfish discriminating prat, you.

Poor Billy, sighed Mirjana, while I wondered whether the owner cared more for the feline Thompson than their human children.

On a lighter and more increasingly sexual note, our resident brain-damaged regular (let's call him Luigi for the sake of being discreet) has been pushing the limits.

I have no recollections of meeting Luigi. My memory goes as far as him visiting Mirjana and stopping by the register to greet me with "An-nee, you are so pre-tee". Kisses on both cheeks included.

Then it was "An-nee, you make my heart skip a beat". Kisses on cheeks. Friendly hug.

Then "An-nee, I better leave before I get too fris-kee". Extended kisses on cheeks. Would have landed on lips had I not turned my head to offer his mouth a less inappropriate destination. Big hugs.

Then finally he pecks me on the neck today and tries to stroke my thigh. Mirjana shooed him away.

Jez often jokes that I'd leave him for Luigi. I often swallow my own vomit at the thought.

Falling asleep in lectures, we pulled out the old "who would you rather bang if you, undesirable #1 and undesirable #2 were the only humans left on earth" hypothetical. I gave Bao a choice of Gladys or Derek. Jenny pointed out that Derek would probably make a more attractive female than Gladys ever could.

I held my tongue, but privately thought that sans penis, Jez might just be the prettiest girl I know.