You're SO NAΪVE

As expected, my appointment was at 11:00 am but I sat in the waiting room until one full hour later.

Explained my condition and answered the usual personal questions that followed. When was your last period? Oh I don't know, a couple of months ago. When was the last time you had sex? Monday morning. Was it painful? Are you kidding, it was sexcellent.

I hate urine tests. Mainly because it's about fifty times more difficult for women to catch their waste in a cup than it is for men. How much would it suck to be the technician that spends all day sticking test strips into warm solutions of urea. At least she takes pleasure in causing tremendous pain to all the gardasil receivers by sticking mindblowingly painful needles into their arms.

More waiting.

Re-enter consultation room to find that as always, I'm perfectly healthy. Nevertheless Dr M. did the usual. The usual being pressing with great force on various parts of my lower abdomen while I'm lying down and asking me whether it hurts. Of course it does if you're crushing my uterus into a pancake.

Because my strange little burning sensation couldn't be linked to infections of any sort, Dr M. suspected pregnancy. After more waiting we ruled that one out too. Vienna and Kei and the other one will have to wait (who is the other one?!?).

In the end, three hours after I entered the centre, I was advised to take painkillers for the time being while my excretions undergo further testing. I was also strongly advised to take a smear. Except it's kind of awkward because the only female GP practising there is on leave. While reluctant to go to another centre I find it creepy that if I don't then this middle-aged man with big ears is going to be the third person to have seen all my goodies.

The gardasil gave me an explosive headache that persisted throughout my half-shift. I stumbled around doing absolutely nothing but looking busy so to keep Mirjana off my throbbing head. Apart from changing the bin linings the most productive thing I did today was sticking L'Occitane stickers all over Glenda's back when she was closing the till.

Was supposed to have dinner with Jez at that snazzy fish-tank sushi place opposite Capitol Square but we had alternative plans. With sexy results.