Beat Agents!

Sunday

I walk into the pharmacy and bid good morning to Eugene, who is sitting behind the counter agonizing over something.

"Thank God." He promply plops himself down in the dispensary and falls asleep.

Jez is home with Michael and friends, either drunk or deliberately neglecting. I unwillingly call a couple of times to discuss papa Cheng's birthday cake. Red Mango doesn't open on Sundays, so I call La Renaissance and order a Monet.

I head to The Rocks after work. Worried about the chocolate melting in the heat I called 131 500 beforehand to find the quickest route there from Milson's Point. The operator said walk from Wynyard. Eugene said walk from Wynyard. Jez said Circular Quay.

Note to self: always trust hubby.

Jez's at 4:30 pm. While watching The Notebook, Blacky arrives. Blacky is some family friend who is staying with Jez's family until Wednesday. She is darker than Jez's top half and papa Cheng combined, tall, wears True Religion jeans and the current subject of my displeasure. I admit I'm an overprotective lunatic, and that any reasonably young woman (regardless of physical attractiveness or blood relation) in the vicinity of my handsome man I find a threat. Other than sharing a wall with Jez for the next 72 hours I have nearly no other objections to her.

An hour into the movie she enters the living room.

"Can you guys access the internet?" She asks. The only computer is in Jez's bedroom. I keep my eyes on the TV and dig my fingernails into his ribs. Jez mumbles something about there being only one computer and mumble-mumble-in-my-room-mumble-mumble. She looks inclined to ask whether she could use it. I dig my nails deeper.

Papa Cheng's work buddy Carlos joins us for dinner at the lamb skewer place in Ashfield. Flipping through the menu I find "stir fried rape". I show Jez and he laughs. We eat a bunch of greasy stuff while a little boy on the table behind us plays with my hair.

We come home at 10:00 pm. Another friend of papa Cheng and his family join us for cake and tea. Monet is delicious, though not nearly as much as the newly discovered rooibos tea. I never thought I'd live to see the day when tea could make me drool, but here it is.

Papa Cheng's friend talks to us about relationships. Marriage. Compromise. Consideration. He mentions some couples, some seemingly perfect girlfriends and wives. My insides squirm a little bit and I suddenly feel extremely uncomfortable sitting with Jez's family near midnight, intending to stay over for the second time within 48 hours, drinking their tea, using their toothpaste and loofah (to wash places they won't want to know about), stealing their son, whose bed I don't make.

Consumed by fears of being an awful wife, I dream stupid dreams but otherwise sleep extremely soundly.

Monday

Wake up at 9:50. Get out of bed at 11:00.

Today we're finally going swimming. It's been two months since we planned to do so but better late than never, right?

I have never been swimming with Jez. I panic a little. I'm self-conscious. He has never seen me in my swimmers, or wet. Well actually ...

For what little there is to do at the aquatic centre we have a lot of fun. I inadvertently flash my breasts and ass a number of times and Jez splashes the pool into my mouth while I laugh maniacally. We make immature jokes about chemical elements and I try not to think about what the water might be infested with.

After coming home for dinner, I walk Jez to the station and we sing shamelessly to my iPod.

I've completely rushed this post because I really can't wait to play Elite Beat Agents.